it’s a recipe for disaster. but in a stunning display of superior guardianship… i did not die

here are some tips i gleaned from the experience:

1. set simple rules and clear consequences.
(that way when they scoff at your rules, at least you can look back on a moment when you were convinced of your in-charge-ness)

2. play dress up.

3. feed them.

4. you can always lock yourself in the garage and hum with your fingers plugging your ears.
(not that i actually did that. but it seemed like a practical solution)

in about 231 days we are expecting another child. yep, you read right… we are in for more adventure. Julie has started getting her weekly updates, and this week was informed that our child is the size of a blueberry with hands, legs, an appendix and a pancreas.

read more about “week 7″ on Baby Center

we are taking name suggestions…
so far Julie is leaning toward Joshua Jude [as in “hey jude”], and i want Charles Allen [both our Dad’s middle names] if a boy.
if a girl, Julie likes Rachel Alice [for Margie] , and i like Claire [see: Elizabeth Town movie] or Moriah [region where the mountain was for Abe to kill Isaac] (until tonight when i read the meaning… although it really fits this season of our journey).

i hope i can let Julie do the name deciding this time…

Natalie is developing her spelling and writing skills. tonight she just sat down and wrote her name, and i had to share it with you. you can also see the video from our spelling session. she learned the word “PIG” tonight.

in other news, i have finally realized i might be dependent on caffeine. i went to bes last night at 11pm and opened (4am) this morning at Starbucks, and it was my worst morning ever. i think everyone else could tell too. i was just so tired. the funny thing is i get free coffee on my shift, and i didn’t drink any, and i didn’t drink any the rest of my day. that was not a good idea. it turns out i need it more than i thought - i could hardly function. i have also been putting in long hours, and not seeing much sleep. so am i addicted to caffeine, or just need rest, or both?

see: defend your coffee habit

i am a millennial. this is one of the labels for the generation (who hates being labeled) probably best described vaguely as being born between late 70’s and late 90’s. this seems to be the generation that everyone in america wants to figure out. i have identified a couple statements that describe how i approach the world around me, and i think some in my generation might agree with them. *

i prefer written communication. the implication is that i do whatever i can to say exactly what i mean, and i expect the same. mean what you say, or don’t mean anything that you say (for complete sarcasm: see Stephen Colbert’s book) i can handle either of those, but i am not good at translating whatever is in the middle - part lie, sometimes honest, mostly dramatic vacant language.
marriage works? most of our parents’ marriages ended up in divorce (i am a rare exception!). preachers do evil things that get exposed, and i grew up in a culture branded by broken promises. i watched words not translate into life. i have learned our obsession with security and sanitation is empty. the god of money is disappointing and boring. i noticed that hiding and faking it didn’t work for the generation(s) before me. if you need a good example of how our words have become meaningless just look at prayer. most of the phrases you and i use in prayer are cliche (see: [re]understanding prayer by Kyle Lake, the best book i have ever read! Thank you Tanya!). we use prayer for transitions and crowd control. also, what does it mean to have a “best friend”.

i am skeptical of all advertising. and everything is advertising.

The purpose of the vast majority of advertising today is not to inform consumers so they can make wise choices; instead, the intention is to persuade consumers to buy the advertised product, regardless of whether it will yield the satisfaction they have been led to expect. Much of today’s advertising is targeted at children, turning impressionable children into naive persuaders of parents. Most advertising today could be correctly labeled as “disinformation by design”. [from Sustainable Capitalism by John Ikerd]

most of the kids in my generation reject marketing. this doesn’t mean it doesn’t work; we just don’t like being brainwashed. i want to know: what do i really need and why? give me something useful and meaningful. i feel this most in the church. to ask “how can we get your generation to come to church?” is like asking “how can we get your generation to sing karaoke?” the flip side is that i like anti-marketing marketing (complete sarcasm: see Apple commercials)

in conclusion: (and application!)
- get a thesaurus and dictionary combination and use it. find the word that means what you want to say. if you can’t find a word that means exactly what you are trying to say use multiple words, or make up your own word.

- don’t “try” to reach me. don’t create another program for me or assume that i love the programs you already put on. please don’t get angry at me becasue i don’t understand why you are doing what you do. if you want to have anything to do with me i prefer a friendship with a real “no strings attached”. and i am good at smelling out the hidden agenda. save the money you would spend on marketing and use it to do something meaningful in the world. help someone. if we hear of it, we might be inspired to see more about the who, what and why you are. please spend the time to think through the why you are. if you try to fake an answer or it isn’t an inspiring answer i will be very disappointed.

church? just because we reject or question the modern church doesn’t mean we reject Jesus. you can’t get offended at our rejection of your advertising, programming, or the performance currently called church. it’s nothing personal, we just don’t feel right about it, so we probably won’t show up.

*i do not claim to be an expert on this subject in any sense or dimension, nor do i feel like i have exhausted the subject. i am most likely very wrong and wasted your time by even suggesting that you consider reading this. this is probably just a rambling post of complacency and cynicism. and sorry if uncapitalized words, bad grammar, or misspellings offend you. oh yeah, i don’t like fine print either!

Its been a long time since we’ve posted and sent out newsletters. For the past 9 months we have been struggling financially and we have not been able to send out newsletters.

We will be starting up the ministry starting in September. School starts around the 20th of August and we will kick off in September. We were struggling at what God wanted us to do this next semester, our finances were low, very low (couldn’t make our bills), team member left, we were left in discouragement nothing seemed to be going well. This summer has been really encouraging. Our financial situation is getting better, God has brought some friends to Jesse that he has really been needing, God is opening doors like crazy. We know that He is wanting us to stay in Tucson and continue ministry. We are really excited about all the new possibilities that are arising.

We are planning on getting a newsletter out before the end of August with a letter, picture and prayer card.

For those of you who read this blog, I would like you to send us a picture of you and your family along with a 3X5 index card with some prayer requests. My goal for this next semester is to be praying for our supporters on a regular basis.

Thank you all for your support and prayers

I have never really experienced a family death before, especially not of someone that I felt close too. Margie Jesse’s aunt has been struggling to fight and beat cancer for the last year and half going from breast cancer to tumors to blood clots, surgery after surgery. Her body couldn’t handle it anymore she died Wednesday morning.

The shock wave has come and the tears and the anger and the question of why. But the feelings I have seem much deeper then that. Maybe it’s normal not sure haven’t gone through anything like this before. Knowing that someone you loved and cared about spent time with shared things that you didn’t share with anyone else will never be here anymore.

Right now I am questioning my actions.. and saying ” I wish I had done…..” a lot. I wish i would have talked to her more , visited her more, asked her more questions, done more for her. Although after a recent conversation I told her sorry for not being around more and she understood…. I know that she understood infact she wanted to be close to her husband and kids more then anyone else and that is the way it should be. I say “did she know that we loved her” Yes, she knew. When it comes to in-laws Margie I think always understood me the best and we could always talk about spiritual things or about life and both be on the same page we had some of the same goals and she was in a lot of ways a mentor. If I was ever uncomfortable or shy about certain family things she always understood or encouraged me.

I am not sure what the next step is. I think I feel sad but it’s like deeper then sad it’s afeeling that can’t really be explained. It’s something that I feel hits deep down in the pit of my stomach i think in situations like this you want to be strong but need to admit you are weak. I am weak.

I will miss her!

I wasn’t going to write about this, but i have been studying through Mark and came across this line: “women had followed him and cared for his needs” so i decided to share this “God story” wow moment.

Julie and i have been seriously struggling financially. We sat down two weeks ago and figured out on paper we are $490 short on bills each month.

A guy who has become a good friend, mentor and brother of mine felt God leading him to care for us. I won’t mention his name, because he wouldn’t want that. He set it up so that every week $125 from his paycheck is wired to our checking account. I hadn’t invited him to give us anything instead he invited me to meet him and sign the papers.

When we got together he asked me “What amount do you need?”

I thought $490 a month.

I said “our biggest monthly gifts are around $100 but the typical support amount is $25. ”

“Ok.” He said “Will this amount work for you?”

I quickly calculated…

“Uh….”

blur.

I have been quite emotional lately. I am not sure why. Maybe it’s because i am becoming more thoughtful and contemplative. Maybe it’s because God is doing some serious restructuring of my character. It seems like my morning walks are consistently beginning with holding back tears.

So, i just wanted to share this story. It’s one of those “God sightings” that usually don’t happen to normal people like me.

I am on my way to Africa. Ghana. Google Map ( see village “Ho” )

I am going with a group from Pantano, and the organization: Heartbeat for Africa.

I will be gathering film to create a promotional DVD for the organization, in hopes of exponentially spreading the word about the orphanage they are building and raising money for. It will be a totally new experience for me, and i really am praying that it will be successful in accomplishing the dreams of all the amazing people who have invested so much in this group.

The most amazing thing for me is that ever since i heard about the vision for Africa from Ed i thought… I dare you God… can you do it? I haven’t had to pay anything for the trip (which i could in no way afford) and every single detail has been worked out with no problems. Hmm…. Julie and i struggled in praying and asking God if i should go or not. We finally surrendered and decided to let it happen.

I would really love to have people praying for me and the rest of the team that we are a blessing to the villages, and don’t get sick or lose any baggage. I have a massive to-do list before i go… lot’s to prepare

In a most recent post on my podcast i remembered a song i wrote after getting back from Italy. The funny thing is that today i began writing a song, and half way through i realized what i was doing - “creating something new”… see it happens without me even making a conscious decision. So i quit, and set the song aside until after Easter (Although i am really excited about it!)

To close i want to share an interview with Natalie that i got recorded - Natalie found my mic and learned how to plug in it and so i just opened the sound program and recorded away… it’s actually cute. I must warn you… she does drop the “P” word at the end…. hilarious!

Ministry is really a hard thing to define, or get a grasp on. As I listened to a tape (yes, some old cassette action) of Dean Trune’s teaching on “Listening to God” he mentioned that he expected to learn how to do campus ministry after years at Michigan State, but he only learned about having a relationship with God.

I am beginning to partner with another student ministry in Tucson called The Refuge. Bryan Lee directs the ministry, and i really just love the guy, and his exciting visionary style.

Would you pray that Julie and I would have wisdom as we explore what the partnership would look like?

I am also going to Passion ‘07. I am so excited about this. Impact is not having a leader’s retreat this year, so i took the opportunity to attend this conference as it may be the last Passion gathering of this nature.

I will also be taking some students to a 24-7 prayer conference in February called Take My Life.
It’s Friday & Saturday the 2nd & 3rd in Phoenix.

Keep us in prayer, and send me information on any U of A students you might know.

I did not know exactly what it would be like having two children. I am still not sure it has only been a week , but I am starting to get exhausted. The first week I think you are really full of excitement energy and ready to go, but all that is wearing off. My energy is lacking and my sleep is diminishing quickly.

Natalie seems to be a different girl. Not only is she adjusting to having to share her mommy and daddy time, but she’s hitting that terrible 2 thing a little early (she was already hitting it before David was here) everything is hers and her way or the highway. Yes she was quite spoiled anyway but now i have to learn to share my love, attention between two children… something that will take me a while to learn and i feel as though during that learning process Natalie will be suffering because of lack of love and attention.

I am feeling great physically honestly it doesn’t even feel like I had a baby. I had major back pain because they had to stick me I think 3 times with the epidural because they couldn’t get it in right but that has passed.

My emotions are a little ecstatic unrealistic not really paying attention to what I am doing. Feel real out of it.

Jesse is worn out, stressed out, some of the worst I’ve ever seen we are hoping that things will settle at least for the weekend just a time of no interruptions, however i find that to be unlikely.

We will see.