I had a great mothers day. Natalie got me a picnic basket filled with goodies that daddy promised she picked out all by herself and I have to believe him. She got me everything I needed to make smores, place mats, and little carrying dishes for the food.

Then Jesse and I got to spend all day Saturday together which hasn’t happened in forever!! We saw the movie “what happens in vegas” i liked it I thought it was funny. Not very crude it made me laugh and I haven’t laughed in a long time.

I thought I’d be really down because of the miscarriage and people asking me about and how I felt but as time is going by the pain is residing and the emotions are getting better to handle. I realize that God did such a great thing by this miscarriage. From the very beginning of this pregancy I have not felt good, both my other pregnancies I was never sick, and so happy I loved being pregnant no matter how “fat” i got. But since we found out about this I was sick, nausea all the time no matter how much I ate, I was so tired, I couldn’t do anything, it just did not feel right and I was pretty stressed out. I think that God knew I could not handle this right now. I know it might sound morbid to think this way but I think God answered a prayer that was not directly spoken.

Don’t get me wrong I would have loved to have another baby I love my kids SO much I would have sacrificed whatever I had to for this baby no matter how sick I got but I think God saw that I just could not handle it. It’s a blessing in disguise and in all honestly the whole experience was much worse then the miscarriage.

I still think every once in a while about how I wish i could have done something different to prevent this from happening. Not working, ate better, took my vitamins, relaxed more, didn’t yell so much, but in all I learn that no matter how hard I try I can’t be in control of every situation in my life. I can never hold the outcome in my hands I can only strive to do my best and God does the rest knowing what is best.

During this whole thing Romans 8:28 came to mind because Andrew Hodges quoted this verse SO often so it helped me get through this ordeal.

Jesse and I are moving on and pressing forward and letting God control the future whatever that may be