Julie and i have been helping with some research for Make Mealtime Family Time where we try and have 5 meals together as a family each week and keep notes about our experiences. During our meal tonight some things clicked for me, and i felt moved to write about it.

Our modern (and traditional) view of mealtime has made it hard to have regular family meals in our culture. The real problem is that we have formalized mealtimes. There are certain protocol involved, nice dishes, quiet, clean, and stiff environment we have created. I am sure this will sound uncivilized and rude, but i think the words “meal” and “formal” should be divorced forever. So here are some tips, and things i have learned help to “make mealtime family time”

1. Have conversation.
Chew with your mouth open. Talk about everything. It is possible to eat and talk at the same time.

2. Play Games.
Take a break from rules. Put your elbows on the table. Play with your food. Play while you eat.

3. Laugh at Everything.

4. Take a Break from Titles.
If you encourage the use of “sir” or another respectful title, make this the time where they can call you “daddy” and see a side of you they normally don’t get to see.

5. Use Your Hands.
Utensils are over-rated. If you need to move something closer to the fork with your left hand, do it. I never understood the correct method for fork to knife and spoon handling anyway.

6. Play Music.
Sing along. Any kind of music works, but whatever will lighten the mood is best. Let family members choose the music for each new meal. Julie and i play the same music at every meal time - this relaxing jazz piano music from Target, it’s actually kinda corny but it works for us.

7. Bring Everything to the Table.
Minimize the time spent getting up from the meal to get food or drink or anything else, it’s distracting and takes away from the experience. This is a hard one for me because i am ADHD.

8. Turn Off Electronics.
How can i say this when i just answered the phone during the meal tonight? Well, obviosly this is a tough one in our culture. good luck. I think it would help, test it out and let me know how that goes.

9. Change it up.
Move to other rooms. Don’t get married to the table and chairs set-up. Make it an adventure.

I know it is silly to write a list of rules to help to encourage a time where rules are ignored, but the main idea is: do whatever it takes to loosen up the atmosphere.

See more tips at Make Mealtime Family Time

I have never really experienced a family death before, especially not of someone that I felt close too. Margie Jesse’s aunt has been struggling to fight and beat cancer for the last year and half going from breast cancer to tumors to blood clots, surgery after surgery. Her body couldn’t handle it anymore she died Wednesday morning.

The shock wave has come and the tears and the anger and the question of why. But the feelings I have seem much deeper then that. Maybe it’s normal not sure haven’t gone through anything like this before. Knowing that someone you loved and cared about spent time with shared things that you didn’t share with anyone else will never be here anymore.

Right now I am questioning my actions.. and saying ” I wish I had done…..” a lot. I wish i would have talked to her more , visited her more, asked her more questions, done more for her. Although after a recent conversation I told her sorry for not being around more and she understood…. I know that she understood infact she wanted to be close to her husband and kids more then anyone else and that is the way it should be. I say “did she know that we loved her” Yes, she knew. When it comes to in-laws Margie I think always understood me the best and we could always talk about spiritual things or about life and both be on the same page we had some of the same goals and she was in a lot of ways a mentor. If I was ever uncomfortable or shy about certain family things she always understood or encouraged me.

I am not sure what the next step is. I think I feel sad but it’s like deeper then sad it’s afeeling that can’t really be explained. It’s something that I feel hits deep down in the pit of my stomach i think in situations like this you want to be strong but need to admit you are weak. I am weak.

I will miss her!

We are back from our California vacation. This year we could not afford to drive out to Missouri for our annual trip, so we took a few days off for less than half the cost and drove to to the west coast.

It’s not everyday that you get to hold hands with a real princess like Snow White, but Disneyland is “where dreams come true”.

We decided to go to Disneyland for two reasons: the kids were free, and our daughter is in love with everything Disney. She got to meet Mickey & Minnie Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, Ariel, see other characters, ride fun safe kid rides, and really have an exciting time. The very best part (in for me at least!) was when Snow White took hold of her hand to walk around the maypole thingy. That made the trip for me. In all my lame awesomeness, i got pictures of this wonderful moment (see picture above - and click to view large size and confirm).

I have some tips for a Disneyland trip if you ever want to know. One of them is to be 2 hours early - we were the first in line to enter the enchanted gates!

Anyway, we are back now. I leave Tuesday to go to Missouri where Three Days Under is playing for the CCCB alumni banquet, and then i am on to Flora, Illinois for the Impact Conference. I will be back the 22nd - probably ready to get back into “the swing” of things.

I wasn’t going to write about this, but i have been studying through Mark and came across this line: “women had followed him and cared for his needs” so i decided to share this “God story” wow moment.

Julie and i have been seriously struggling financially. We sat down two weeks ago and figured out on paper we are $490 short on bills each month.

A guy who has become a good friend, mentor and brother of mine felt God leading him to care for us. I won’t mention his name, because he wouldn’t want that. He set it up so that every week $125 from his paycheck is wired to our checking account. I hadn’t invited him to give us anything instead he invited me to meet him and sign the papers.

When we got together he asked me “What amount do you need?”

I thought $490 a month.

I said “our biggest monthly gifts are around $100 but the typical support amount is $25. ”

“Ok.” He said “Will this amount work for you?”

I quickly calculated…

“Uh….”

blur.

I have been quite emotional lately. I am not sure why. Maybe it’s because i am becoming more thoughtful and contemplative. Maybe it’s because God is doing some serious restructuring of my character. It seems like my morning walks are consistently beginning with holding back tears.

So, i just wanted to share this story. It’s one of those “God sightings” that usually don’t happen to normal people like me.