I had a great mothers day. Natalie got me a picnic basket filled with goodies that daddy promised she picked out all by herself and I have to believe him. She got me everything I needed to make smores, place mats, and little carrying dishes for the food.
Then Jesse and I got to spend all day Saturday together which hasn’t happened in forever!! We saw the movie “what happens in vegas” i liked it I thought it was funny. Not very crude it made me laugh and I haven’t laughed in a long time.
I thought I’d be really down because of the miscarriage and people asking me about and how I felt but as time is going by the pain is residing and the emotions are getting better to handle. I realize that God did such a great thing by this miscarriage. From the very beginning of this pregancy I have not felt good, both my other pregnancies I was never sick, and so happy I loved being pregnant no matter how “fat” i got. But since we found out about this I was sick, nausea all the time no matter how much I ate, I was so tired, I couldn’t do anything, it just did not feel right and I was pretty stressed out. I think that God knew I could not handle this right now. I know it might sound morbid to think this way but I think God answered a prayer that was not directly spoken.
Don’t get me wrong I would have loved to have another baby I love my kids SO much I would have sacrificed whatever I had to for this baby no matter how sick I got but I think God saw that I just could not handle it. It’s a blessing in disguise and in all honestly the whole experience was much worse then the miscarriage.
I still think every once in a while about how I wish i could have done something different to prevent this from happening. Not working, ate better, took my vitamins, relaxed more, didn’t yell so much, but in all I learn that no matter how hard I try I can’t be in control of every situation in my life. I can never hold the outcome in my hands I can only strive to do my best and God does the rest knowing what is best.
During this whole thing Romans 8:28 came to mind because Andrew Hodges quoted this verse SO often so it helped me get through this ordeal.
Jesse and I are moving on and pressing forward and letting God control the future whatever that may be
Thank you everyone who showed concern about the miscarriage. I appreciate it very much. The surgery went well it took 15 minutes. Waking up for the anesthesia was not so good. I was supposed to be awake and on my way home in an hour I didn’t even wake up for two hours and that who experience was terrible. I do look back at it now and realize I could probably do it again if I had to, but at the time I was the most scared i have ever been. Most people wake up and they are happy smiling and do fine. Me however woke up or was trying to wake up and I was scared, crying, throwing up (from the medicine), and I kept asking for Jesse (he wasn’t no in the recovery room with me and was not allowed in) and asking for Natalie, asking if I was okay where I was. It’s kind of a scary thing when your body is awake and alert but your eyes won’t open and your speech is messed up. I could hear people around me and hear country music playing in the background but I couldn’t comprehend what was going on. For a couple minutes I really thought I might have been dead, in all seriousness. I was also very dizzy and had the worst headache all from the medicine I guess. I didn’t stop being dizzy until Friday and so that’s probably when the anesthesia medicine finally wore off completely. I know my mom and my doctor called Friday morning but I don’t remember what they said.I was pretty out of it.
The nurse told me that every once in a while they get a person who wakes up really scared. But usually not. But it was a very emotionally day and the whole ordeal happened so fast it was hard for me to take in. I know that God had His way whatever that was and I am dealing with that and I’ve had some encouraging words from those who have gone through a similar situation, one who had a miscarriage then months later had twins so you never know.
thank you all for praying for me and for your words of encouragment
i guess it might be fitting to be publishing this post directly after the announcement of our pregnancy, but after a couple of doctor appointments and an ultra sound it is confirmed that we lost the baby.
we just found out this morning, and it is emotional, but we did have the feeling there was something wrong, and it is a relief to have some facts, and understand what happened.
i knew right away looking at the ultra sound screen that something was not right. we have had two healthy kids already, and i remember seeing the pictures of David at this stage… but we just waited to hear from the doctor.
what we found out was the cells for the baby never developed from the beginning - but fooled Julie’s body into thinking it was pregnant. so her body went through all the normal motions of a typical birth, but no baby was there. it’s kinda strange, but i guess it’s common. statistically somewhere between 20 - 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage [*].
Julie goes into surgery tomorrow for a D&C. we appreciate your prayers.
about Miscarriage
Blighted Ovum?
in about 231 days we are expecting another child. yep, you read right… we are in for more adventure. Julie has started getting her weekly updates, and this week was informed that our child is the size of a blueberry with hands, legs, an appendix and a pancreas.
read more about “week 7″ on Baby Center
we are taking name suggestions…
so far Julie is leaning toward Joshua Jude [as in “hey jude”], and i want Charles Allen [both our Dad’s middle names] if a boy.
if a girl, Julie likes Rachel Alice [for Margie] , and i like Claire [see: Elizabeth Town movie] or Moriah [region where the mountain was for Abe to kill Isaac] (until tonight when i read the meaning… although it really fits this season of our journey).
i hope i can let Julie do the name deciding this time…
serve God as a mature adult, but come to Him as a newborn child.
Natalie is developing her spelling and writing skills. tonight she just sat down and wrote her name, and i had to share it with you. you can also see the video from our spelling session. she learned the word “PIG” tonight.
in other news, i have finally realized i might be dependent on caffeine. i went to bes last night at 11pm and opened (4am) this morning at Starbucks, and it was my worst morning ever. i think everyone else could tell too. i was just so tired. the funny thing is i get free coffee on my shift, and i didn’t drink any, and i didn’t drink any the rest of my day. that was not a good idea. it turns out i need it more than i thought - i could hardly function. i have also been putting in long hours, and not seeing much sleep. so am i addicted to caffeine, or just need rest, or both?
see: defend your coffee habit
after seeing this movie and previously watching the behind the scenes special, i had a thought about the integrity and morality of using entertainment to tell “based on true” stories in film. denzel said he didn’t want to make frank lucas look like a hero in the movie (and i think he did a good job). but i was still left feeling like it might have romanticized a life of crime. without the movie, this is one story from the streets of harlem i would have never known about, and i think it may be an important part of american history.
was there a book written about this time in history? was the movie based on that book? i have no clue. but if there was, i bet most of us would feel more comfortable with the telling of the story. and i am guessing that most of us would prefer the book over the movie (especially in accuracy and historical documentation).
isn’t that funny? the book would still be entertaining. in fact, a lot of people read for entertainment, and even reading a true story is entertaining. see where i am going with this? whether it is a book or movie, if it is based on history, reality or a true story with facts and witnesses, it is an acceptable form of telling a true story, communicating to, AND entertaining an audience at the same time.
why would God write a book? why would God use a tool of entertainment to tell His story, and communicate with earthlings. just a thought.
unrelated link: The Ministry of Morality
10 Reasons why I love my husband
1. Because he loves and follows God with all his heart
2. He is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for his family
3. He wants and loves to spend time with his children
4. He has a way of attracting the people who are most unliked
5. He has a such a BIG heart
6. He gives more then he receives
7. He would call in sick if I asked him to
8. He eats anything I make
9. He values my opinion
10. He does his best to make sure he leads our family in the best direction
Jesse has been working so hard lately doing three jobs Media job at Pantano Christian church, Campus Ministry (hanging out and building relationships with College students, and the newest, fastest barista at Starbucks, as well as volunteering his time to do sound for a fund raiser for aids awareness. Jesse loves all the work he does but the unfortunate part is not one job can provide for all the essentials and each job is getting less and less of him because he is so spread out. I think this aches him, but he’s getting by.
I think i just want him to know that i am very proud of him and I am so happy to know that I have a man who spends quiet times with God on a daily basis to discern and direct what God has in store for him and our family. I am finding more and more that the woman of this country are the ones who are spiritually leading the family. I guess I am grateful that is not the way with my family.
I am just taking some time to brag on my wonderful husband, friend and father. To let him know that he very appreciated and loved.
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